Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It sux

It sux when the only person you want to talk to is the only person you reallly cant
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Thursday, February 24, 2011

Why?!?!?!

You ask me Why? a lot.
I can't pretend that you don't mean the world to me, but sometimes the things you say and the things you do, make me question your insanity.
I love a thousand things about you. I love how just being in the room with you when i am mad or sad calms me down. I like the way your hand fits into mine. I love the way you work my body like an artist working on a masterpiece. I like how quick you can make me laugh. I love the way you play with your son like he's your best friend and the only person in the universe. I love the way you snuggle up and read books to him before he goes to sleep. I like the way your face animates when you imitate and impersonate someone else. I love the amount of energy you have. I love how I can wear sweats or a dress, or splattered with paint and still feel sexy when I am with you. I like how your smile, makes me smile. I love how you don't care what others think or say. You have a family that loves and supports you. Why do you think I care if you have a multimillion dollar career, or a brand new car? You have the world going for you, and one day when you're ready you'll make the world turn. You went through school and stuck through it and didn't give up when it got tough or made you tired. Your ability to devote yourself to your family, is admirable. Your love for your son is amazing and the greatest expression of love you can give and receive. I like how we can chill at the crib or go out to the field and you're the only person's attention I seek. I think for once you should know, but what's the point when you don't understand how I feel the way about you that I do. I wonder why you want to know when it's not me you care about. So I don't believe in games and drama and such, so I'm not enough of a challenge for you. Is it odd to you, that I want you to know I care about you and want to be with you? Is it wrong to be upfront and not play games? When you play games you run the chance of losing---and losing you is not a risk I'd like to take. I don't want to be a challenge, because it's no fun to me.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Falling snow in new york!

On vacation with my son in New York! I had to take a video in order to capture the snow falling.
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Excited... No strings attached

I am going to the movies with my future roommates. I am excited!!!
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Second thoughts...

My feet are aching my toes keep curling and then release with every inhalation. I cant believe I am standing here again. My nerves are getting the best of me but I am trying not to lose faith in myself, I know I am strong enough to say what needs to be said and to do what needs to be done. I know I can handle the dangers of the game but I am not sure if I can handle the anger I am sure will cross your eyes. Third times the charm but I am not sure about the two of us and this potential life. I feel it in my skin that things are about to change but is it for the better. I fear that telling you what I hold back might make you feel trapped or worse yet make you stay and hate me more. The last thing I want to do is push you away but there are better reasons than this to be together and id rather experience those reasons and feelings with you then to go through life feeling like you were forced to stick around when all along you just wanted to escape. My heart is pounding my head is throbbing I can feel my body shaking. On second thought I don't think I am strong enough to do this.
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Monday, January 24, 2011

Betrayed...but not

I expect too much from you, because I see endless possibilities when I look into your eyes. It sucks that you don't see what I do. It hurts to see your smile fade and trade places with anger. I miss your laugh and the way I feel when I am with you but now I wonder how much you have changed . I wonder about the life we might be living had their lungs been stronger. I wonder about the different turns my life has taken and why I always find myself at your doorstep. I feel betrayed when I see you give up because I have never given up on you, so why should you? I am so tired of fighting so hard and believing in you when you don't have faith in yourself. I wonder when you'll realize how special you are and how great you can be.
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