Excited... No strings attached

I am going to the movies with my future roommates. I am excited!!!

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Second thoughts...

My feet are aching my toes keep curling and then release with every inhalation. I cant believe I am standing here again. My nerves are getting the best of me but I am trying not to lose faith in myself, I know I am strong enough to say what needs to be said and to do what needs to be done. I know I can handle the dangers of the game but I am not sure if I can handle the anger I am sure will cross your eyes. Third times the charm but I am not sure about the two of us and this potential life. I feel it in my skin that things are about to change but is it for the better. I fear that telling you what I hold back might make you feel trapped or worse yet make you stay and hate me more. The last thing I want to do is push you away but there are better reasons than this to be together and id rather experience those reasons and feelings with you then to go through life feeling like you were forced to stick around when all along you just wanted to escape. My heart is pounding my head is throbbing I can feel my body shaking. On second thought I don't think I am strong enough to do this.

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Betrayed...but not

I expect too much from you, because I see endless possibilities when I look into your eyes. It sucks that you don't see what I do. It hurts to see your smile fade and trade places with anger. I miss your laugh and the way I feel when I am with you but now I wonder how much you have changed . I wonder about the life we might be living had their lungs been stronger. I wonder about the different turns my life has taken and why I always find myself at your doorstep. I feel betrayed when I see you give up because I have never given up on you, so why should you? I am so tired of fighting so hard and believing in you when you don't have faith in yourself. I wonder when you'll realize how special you are and how great you can be.

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New Things I Have Done Thus Far....

I had a decision to try new things, to not be so afraid and to step out of my comfort zone. I am doing well, I believe.
1. I learned to scuba dive.
2. I learned that I should make myself happy, and remove things that make me miserable (i.e the husband)
3. I have worn my heart on my sleeve (and bluntly said I still love you)
4. I have entertained my dreams and made them a reality with a little help from a special someone.
5. I have tried "the Ring"
6. I have given up on pleasing others and decided to continue with the medical field.
7. I got my eyebrows waxed and threaded (not at the same time of course- that's two separate new things but still related to each other)
8. I have stayed the night and I have loved it.
9. I have gotten rid of the past and am beginning to start anew. 10. I have pierced my tongue. 11. I have learned to rely on others without expecting to get hurt or screwed.

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Boudoir Shoot

I am excited. I am finally going to get to work with Micki and do some photos. and what better photos to do then some amazing boudoir. Just in time. it's almost valentine's day and I am excited. I really want to give a photo or two to that special someone, but don't want to be to like hey I'm your girlfriend put this in your wallet. but i do want to have that appeal to him. I mean of course, we have the sexual appeal going already, but I mean I kinda want him to look at me more in a girlfriend this could be it way. Either way, for my own self I am excited to do this shoot. I have lost 16 pounds since October and am trying to maintain a healthier way of living and this would be a great stepping stone. and also something new to try out. (another blog on that later) I am just excited there have been many times when I wanted to work with Micki and get some fabulous photos done, but one thing or another always got in the way. So this time I will make sure nothing gets in the way, because I am really looking forward to this shoot.